Everybody needs an app these days. As the old saying goes, you’re nothing without one. So said by me, in this piece, right now.
Sony has clearly heard of this saying, as it’s produced their first ever PlayStation tie-in game for mobile: PlayStation All-Stars Island! Sponsored by Coca-Cola Zero, the popular low-calorie soda drink! Hurray!
PSASI is more soulless than a Harry Potter Dementor flogging cheap cameras on a daytime shopping channel. It currently consists of one game, an inevitable Temple Run clone based on Uncharted in which Nathan Drake collects coins, idol statues and floating drops of Coca-Cola Zero. If he collects enough of these, he can Taste The Possibilities™ and unlock bonus levels in which he can collect more coins and idol statues.
No, why would I want to do this, please stop
As a game, it’s horrid. Drake sort of falls from side to side as you tilt your device as if he’s been in the pub for a few, which gives him a sludgy but effective style of manoeuvrability. Unfortunately, he’s painfully slow at moving forward, meaning that something that should feel like a rollercoaster is more akin to a laidback stroll on a Caribbean coastline. There’s also absolutely no motivation to keep playing after setting an acceptable high score. It’s also rubbish.
You would have hoped that after last year’s pretty acceptable All-Stars Battle Royale Sony would have set the bar higher for its next reunification of slightly iconic heroes and villains. Apparently not. Instead, we’re served up a distinctly Microsoft-flavoured corporate partnership which I can’t…I just can’t understand. Why does this exist?
PlayStation Coke All-Stars Zero Island doesn’t really invite you to Taste The Possibilities™ in a barrel of fizzy touch-screen fun. Rather, it leaves a particularly unpleasant aftertaste (and before-taste, and during-taste – it’s just pretty awful). Bad Sony. Don’t do this again.
